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Christmas Party...

12/9/2003 10:41 PM
Christmas Party...
Subject: Public Acknowlegement  
December 1st  
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place  
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked  
eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing  
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus  
to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be  
done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.  
Merry Christmas to you and your family.  
Patty Lewis  
Human Resources Director  
December 2nd  
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.  
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides  
with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).  
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same  
policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There  
will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.  
Happy Holidays to you and your family.  
Patty Lewis  
Human Resources Director  
December 3rd  
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics  
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this  
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA  
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts  
exchange- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is  
too much money.  
Patty Lewis  
Human Researchers Director  
December 7th  
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from  
the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are  
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay  
men; each group will have its table. Yes, there will be a  
flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?  
Patty Lewis  
Human Racehorses Director  
December 9th  
People, people, people ..... nothing sinister was intended by wanting  
our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does  
happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little  
man in a red suit."  
Patty Lewis  
Human Ratraces  
December 10th  
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party  
at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the  
table farthest from the "grille of death," as you put it, and you'll get  
salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes  
have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them  
scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten  
holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?!!  
The Bitch from Hell  
December 14th  
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery  
from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to  
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel  
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full  

Luijo Quite funny!:)Even funnier is t... -- 12/10/2003 1:38 AM
X-Anonymous Please Don't Offend Santa Claus -- 12/10/2003 11:07 PM