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Vintage threads from the first ten years

Canadian Humour

10/4/2005 3:44 PM
MBSetzer	Canadian Humour In case you haven't seen it, this is from the Weber board: A Newfoundlander, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar, a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when, suddenly, the Irishman cried out, "I know who that man is. It's Jesus!" The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman calls out, "Hey! Hey, you! Are you Jesus?" The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus," he says. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him, "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles "thank you" and drinks. The Englishman then calls out, "Er, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men. Then the Newfoundlander calls out, "Hey, you! D'ya figger you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Newfie is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a bottle of Black Horse for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure. Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh! The arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years is gone. Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. "By Jove," he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a miracle!" Jesus then approaches the Newfoundlander, who, with a terrified look on his face, exclaims, "Back off, buddy, I'm on Workers Compensation!"

10/4/2005 3:44 PM

MBSetzer

Canadian Humour

In case you haven't seen it, this is from the Weber board:

A Newfoundlander, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar, a man.

The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when, suddenly, the Irishman cried out, "I know who that man is. It's Jesus!" The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out, "Hey! Hey, you! Are you Jesus?" The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus," he says.

The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him, "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles "thank you" and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Er, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Newfoundlander calls out, "Hey, you! D'ya figger you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Newfie is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a bottle of Black Horse for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh! The arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years is gone. Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. "By Jove," he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Newfoundlander, who, with a terrified look on his face, exclaims, "Back off, buddy, I'm on Workers Compensation!"

10/4/2005 4:10 PM
creepy	Another bar joke: This Sandwich walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink. The bartender replies "I'm sorry we don't serve food here."

10/5/2005 5:00 PM
Dutch	yet Another bar joke: A man and an ostrich walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "what is this, a joke?"

10/4/2005 8:48 PM
Mark Hammer	Well, bye, widout de accent it loses sumpin, but she's awright dere lad, she's awright. Many Newfoundlander jokes revolve around the foolishness of local fools, but a good many revolve around the foolishness of CFA's (come from away's) that just don't "git it", as well as what happens when down home honesty meets uptown thickheadedness. Seems dis feller and his buddy was down in T'rana lookin fer work, cuz dey was unemployed and dere dole was run out. Dey was walkin' down Yonge Street when dey sees a big buildin'. First feller says "Say buddy, maybe we should look in dere. Dat's a big enough buildin' dey oughta have some work." So dey goes in and walks into de first hoffice dey sees. "Say, buddy", de first one says to de receptionist, "We's lookin' fer work, an we was wondrin' if ya had some." "Well, our personnel officer just happens to be in his office right now. He's not expecting you but I think he can probably find some time for you. Why don't you take a seat here in the waiting area, and I'll see if he can spare a moment." De receptionist phones de udder feller, an says "He'd be happy to see you. Why don't you go in first." and nods te de first feller. Buddy walks in an sits down. De personnel hofficer says "Well sir, what sorts of skills can you bring to our organization?" "Well, my son, I was a pilit fer nigh on 20 years before I come here" "Really? That's quite fortunate. We just happen to be looking for people in your line of work. When can you start?" "Any time. Any time t'all, buddy." "Well I can't tell you how happy I am that I stuck around the office today, of all days. Why don't you go and speak to my assistant, and they can draw up the contract right away." First feller come out an says to his buddy "Bye, dey gots lotsa work here. We done right good comin here." Second feller walks into de hoffice, an sits hisself down. "So, sir. I was quite pleased that your friend and you dropped in here this afternoon. And what is it that you do, if I may ask?" "I's a cutter. Been a cutter for 25 years" "A cutter? I don't understand. What is it you cut?" "I's a cutter, sir. I cuts de logs." "Logs? Well we're an airline. I'm not exactly sure what it is we can do for you here or where we might use you." "But I taht you gave me buddy a jahb." "Well yes, that's right, but he's a pilot." "But how kin he pile it, if'n I don't cut it FIRST!"

10/4/2005 8:48 PM

Mark Hammer

Well, bye, widout de accent it loses sumpin, but she's awright dere lad, she's awright.

Many Newfoundlander jokes revolve around the foolishness of local fools, but a good many revolve around the foolishness of CFA's (come from away's) that just don't "git it", as well as what happens when down home honesty meets uptown thickheadedness.

Seems dis feller and his buddy was down in T'rana lookin fer work, cuz dey was unemployed and dere dole was run out. Dey was walkin' down Yonge Street when dey sees a big buildin'. First feller says "Say buddy, maybe we should look in dere. Dat's a big enough buildin' dey oughta have some work."

So dey goes in and walks into de first hoffice dey sees. "Say, buddy", de first one says to de receptionist, "We's lookin' fer work, an we was wondrin' if ya had some." "Well, our personnel officer just happens to be in his office right now. He's not expecting you but I think he can probably find some time for you. Why don't you take a seat here in the waiting area, and I'll see if he can spare a moment." De receptionist phones de udder feller, an says "He'd be happy to see you. Why don't you go in first." and nods te de first feller.

Buddy walks in an sits down. De personnel hofficer says "Well sir, what sorts of skills can you bring to our organization?" "Well, my son, I was a pilit fer nigh on 20 years before I come here" "Really? That's quite fortunate. We just happen to be looking for people in your line of work. When can you start?" "Any time. Any time t'all, buddy." "Well I can't tell you how happy I am that I stuck around the office today, of all days. Why don't you go and speak to my assistant, and they can draw up the contract right away."

First feller come out an says to his buddy "Bye, dey gots lotsa work here. We done right good comin here."

Second feller walks into de hoffice, an sits hisself down. "So, sir. I was quite pleased that your friend and you dropped in here this afternoon. And what is it that you do, if I may ask?" "I's a cutter. Been a cutter for 25 years" "A cutter? I don't understand. What is it you cut?" "I's a cutter, sir. I cuts de logs." "Logs? Well we're an airline. I'm not exactly sure what it is we can do for you here or where we might use you." "But I taht you gave me buddy a jahb." "Well yes, that's right, but he's a pilot." "But how kin he pile it, if'n I don't cut it FIRST!"

10/4/2005 9:46 PM
anonymous	A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So why the long face?"

10/4/2005 10:03 PM
Enzo	aright aright A priest, a Rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

10/4/2005 10:04 PM
Enzo	Maybe I shoulda make that a Canada Goose, eh?

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