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how do you find love?


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7/11/2003 12:25 PM
hermit
how do you find love?
how do you find some one to love? I am so lonely, I think im going to end it all. I cant seem to meet any women, and if I do, they arnt interested. What on earth can I do? I am besides myself.What can I do? Please help me. I know this isnt really the place, but i dont know where else to turn.  
Iam serious, i am not using my real name because I dont what it to come back and bite me. SOS- please help. I am at my wits end.
 
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7/11/2003 1:08 PM
giustd
Read the "inspecting the audience" thread.  
Play a team sport. I'm serious, I know being around a bunch of sweaty guys is not the same as well, you know, but it'll help blow off some steam.  
Join a band.  
Join a dating service.  
Good luck.
 
7/11/2003 1:31 PM
kg

i always see attractive women at the grocery store. plus you can see what kind of eating habits they have.  
 
get a puppy. take good care of it, make it a well-adjusted dog and women will flock to it. go for long walks in the park and troll.  
 
don't look for it too hard. that's like sitting down and trying really hard to write an awesome song.. at least for me it doesn't work that way. sometimes you have to relax and just let it happen.  
 
jm2c  
ken
 
7/11/2003 1:48 PM
alambler

I have been very lucky to have found my wife the way I have. I looked for a while for a woman on my own and every woman I was attracted to that would go out with me was a total psycho. I asked my neighbor (a woman) to find me a decent girl and 2 weeks later my neighbor met my future wife. My future wife and I had dinner the first night they met and a year and a half we were married. It's been two years and it's been difficult but incredibly fullfilling.  
 
The point I am trying to make is that sometimes these things happen by "fate", if you believe in that. However, don't hold your breath waiting for a neighbor to drop a good woman in your lap. Continue with your life, always trying to be a better person and your day (and wife) will come.  
 
My brother has much the same problem. He is 27 and has never had a girlfriend. He's not very agressive and behaves much like a frog waiting for something to stop in front of him. However, if he realized how good a "catch" he actually was, he would find a woman shortly.  
 
Be confident  
Look for a woman that will love you as much as you will love her.  
Get a dog.  
 
Remember that song, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife..."  
 
I have dated lots of really drop dead gorgeous chicks and they ARE ALL SCREWED UP IN THE HEAD!  
 
I would much rather have a stable, level headed prom queen runner-up than the prize "trophy" bitch herself.
 
7/11/2003 1:54 PM
Frank DeSalvo

Find what makes you happy and do it. Run as fast as you can towards your goals in life and look to the right and left. If you see a woman keeping up with you running in the same direction, talk to her.  
 
Don't look for love, man. It has a way of finding you. Look for meaningful friendships and take it from there. Nothing is worth ending your life over. email me.  
 
Frank
 
7/12/2003 7:31 AM
Steve A.

ken:  
 
sometimes you have to relax and just let it happen.  
 
    Ummm... so your wife doesn't mind? :D  
 
Steve Ahola
 
7/11/2003 1:53 PM
anonymous
Part of the problem is that people love less these days because of the rise of materialism. As a substitute, people have learned to fill their lives with material wealth instead of love. Psychologists refer to it as having a material cathexis. Extreme material cathexis was once considered an abnormal displacement of human love. Not anymore. In fact, these days material cathexis is almost considered mandatory and if you are not into extreme materialism, then you will be considered wierd by many. That's what you are up against.  
 
Because I'm a practicle guy, I'll dispense with all the psychology and get to the pratical stuff:  
 
1. Stay away from the big singles bars. You will find women there but many will be sluts. I'm not faulting them for that. Many men in those bars will be sluts as well. Birds of a better flock together.  
 
2. If you must persue the bar scene, check out small neighborhood bars in your area. Neighborhood pubs tend to be small communities rather than anonymous sex hangouts. Still, bars would not be my first choice.  
 
3. A better bet is to go to singles meetings and dances held by church groups. Some churches are more active with singles than others. The reason I suggest a church group is because they emphasize love over materialism and sex.  
 
4. Forget rock and roll because it's only about sex and anger these days. Instead start going to music events that are based on feeling good and feeling love. My strongest recommendation is to go to polka dances. There most likely are many in your area that you are unaware of. If you want to find a woman who wants to get married and have kids and have a long loving relationship, than polka is where it's at. I know it sounds korny but have an open mind and try it. You will see immediately what I mean.  
 
5. Blind dates set up by caring freinds are also good.  
 
6. Internet dating works well but I've found that the person you talk to online will be totally different when you meet them in person. I've not had good results with I-dating but I know several friends who have. The key to I-dating is to advertise what type of bird you are so that you attract the same.  
 
In sum, birds of a feather flock together. In my opinion, singles bars attract hordes of people who are into heavy alchohol consumption and anonymous sex. On the other hand, polka dance halls and church groups are for long term relationships. Internet dating sites work well, but you have to make sure you correctly advertise what type of bird you are and also realize that you have to play a little bit of the numbers game.  
 
Good luck.
 

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